MEMORIES

THOUGHT PROVOKING

I have been thinking a lot lately about time.  Something seemed to happen to me when I had my 60th Birthday in August. I have started to think about how much time I might have, or not have, whatever the case may be.  This has not been helped by my husband's best friend being near death at 65 years old.

I am not afraid of death because I know where I am going and it is a far better place than here.  But I love my life here in Devon and want more time to enjoy it along with my grandchildren and great grand-daughter.

I cannot emphasise how important it is to make the most of time.  It is not only older people who die either, so thinking we have lots of time because we are younger is not necessarily true.

Tell someone today how much you love them.  Write to someone you may have lost touch with  and connect again.  Make the most of friends and family so that when you are gone they have good memories to carry them through.

Today my thoughts have been towards someone I am estranged from and who means a lot to me but nothing can bridge the chasm that has been made.  God is all powerful but everyone has free will and He will not go against that.

We had a special 3 week holiday in Spain this year, it was a special holiday to celebrate our 40th anniversary and our retirement.  It was very special and has left me with lovely memories.  Make memories while you can you will be glad of them someday.

60th BIRTHDAY

Just had an amazing weekend away with my lovely husband for my 60th Birthday.

I had some time to relax and just think and felt sad that on such a special day my mum who brought me into the World was not around to celebrate with me.  We were in North Devon and I would have loved to buy her a cream tea and thank her for my life. To catch up on all that has happened and share so much with her.  It has been over 6 years now since she went and I still miss her just as much today.

I would love to share how happy I am living in Devon and would have loved to have her here with us all.

Mums are so special and whether we get on with them or not they did bring us into the World.

Thank you mum, miss you and love you. xxxx

Busy days in Devon.

Our beautiful Willow, a British Blue.

MOTHERS DAY

There is such a lot to tell you mum. Such a lot has happened, some good, some bad.  I miss you so much and long to have a cup of tea with you. It would be so good to take you out for a Mothers Day Devon cream tea.  I know you would love that. Such a lot has happened that you don't know about.  I dream about you a lot still, I guess I always will. Sometimes I think that the time before I see you again is getting shorter. I have so much to tell you, so much to catch up on.  There are times when I think that God in His wisdom took you at the right time. You did not need to experience some of the things we have had to. The Lord knows what we can take and He knew what was around the corner was going to be too much for you.

I LOVE YOU MUM and miss you so and in my heart on Mother's Day I will be thinking of you and wishing I could plant a kiss upon your sweet lips and tell you how much you mean to me.  I hope in heaven you will think of me and miss me too, although I expect things are too good for you to be thinking of me.  I have so many wishes but one small cup of tea on Mothers Day would be my desire. As I cannot give you a present I am going to light a candle for you.  HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to my special mum xxxxxxx

A NEW ROAD

How many of us have said, 'If only I could wipe out the last hour, the last week, the last month'?

It takes just one minute to change the whole course of ones life forever.  To change to something so destructive and heart breaking that will mean your are not the same person again.

The new road we have been forced upon can be painful and not the road we would have ever chosen. How tenuous life is, one minute and the whole course is changed. A loved one snatched, a child ill, maimed or gone. The repercussions can effect many lives, like a pebble thrown into a mill pond the ripples spread out to encompass all around.

Events cannot be taken back once they have happened we cannot turn back time.  Like toothpaste once out it cannot be put back into the tube.  We cannot turn back, it has happened and we must all ,live with the consequences, even if it was not us that made the choices.

We walk a new path which we can fight or accept.  I fought for some years but it didn't change anything, except me and that was not for good. Hopefully we come to a place where we accept this is the new road, we are on  and  we might as well accept it and move on.  In the Bible Lot's wife looked back and became a pillar of salt and never moved on.  Looking back thinking 'If only' causes us to stay where we are.

Bodily we move on but mentally sometimes it is harder. We have an imagination that sometimes works on it's own. You read a book and find it has wandered off on its own and is taking you back down that path you wanted to forget. You sleep and that cruel mind has taken you to a place you desire so much and your heart thrills and you are so excited that things have changed; but no, wait, you wake and your heart breaks for your mind has been cruel and lied to you while you slept. What we have done is tried to make the situation what we wanted it to be.

I cannot turn back time, I cannot change a situation, but that does not mean I do not mourn what has gone, what has changed.

We all make choices and I would beg you, before you make choices that are life changing,. THINK. What might the repercussions be? What road might this take you down? What will this do to me? What will this do to others? Will it improve lives or will it wreck them?

Here I am, I stand on a hill and look back at what has been, storm clouds are gathering, the sun has gone, it is getting very cold and I feel a heaviness that oppresses me.  Then I look ahead and see the sun shining, a rainbow of promise of new things is ahead the sun warms my heart and the heaviness lifts.  Now I have choices, do I stay looking over my shoulder or do I move on into new things?

I made the choice and the sun shines now for me, I have a new life, I will never forget the past but I cannot stay longingly looking back for ever.  Because you see, my choices affect others too and I need to think of them.

Here I am looking out to sea and I can see all that open space that lays ahead, new things, new roads, new friends. Good bye past, there were good times, but now I must move on and leave you behind.

You know who you are, goodbye.  If you should ever want to change things, you know where I am, but I don't think things could ever be the same, however, I am willing to give it a try.

NO REGRETS

Nearly six months now since we arrived in Devon. Do I Have  any regrets?  None at all, only that I did not do it years ago.  


What has winter been like?  What winter?  I have not felt like it has been winter.  I think we are in such a lovely area with so much open space that even on grey days everything is bright and of course seeing the sea is such a blessed bonus.  


I think another reason I have not notice winter is because there is never a day when I do not go out.  In London  I tended to hibernate a little in winter, if  I did not have to go out I would not; whereas here I long to go out and  cannot think of a day staying in.  I feel like I am missing something special if I do not go out. 


I do miss not having a job, I loved my job and felt like I was doing something with my life.  It fulfilled me and at the end of the day I felt like I had done something good for people. I miss that but still no regrets, just wish my kind of job was available here, but it is not. 


At last we feel we have found a church where we could settle.  Yesterday I met up with Tash and the kids after church and we took the beautiful scenic walk to Goodrington.  To have such beauty on the doorstep is so special and I feel very blessed.  


To pass the sea on the way to school for the kids is lovely.  Even doing something like going to the cinema is wonderful because we come out and there is the beach. Going shopping is not a chore because again, I pass the sea and I hear the monkeys as I park the car. Having such good supermarkets and the choice is great. 


The children have settled so well, they love school and are doing really well. Emily gets lots of party invitations so she has definitely made lots of friends. They have been able to continue their swimming lessons and Connor is doing really well and the teacher feels he has a real talent and could go far.  Again I feel the fact that they never have a day when we do not do something with them has made their life special here. It does not matter what the weather is like they will set up on the beach.  


Yesterday Tash said that if we had brought a blanket she would have been happy to set up on the beach for a few hours it was so beautiful.  


I guess out of everyone Peter is the one who has not really changed his life style.  He does not go out much, I am always asking him to come for coffee but he is too busy.  He has thrown himself into bowls (indoor at the moment) otherwise he is not doing anything different. I took him to see some fishing lakes the other week and he liked them, he said he would prefer rivers but he could fish at the lakes and enjoy it. 


I love waking to the sound of the birds singing, I even love the gulls making their noises. They are making nests in the chimneys opposite and tend to make a noise first thing in the morning, I love it. I like seeing the sea from my window and I love overlooking the woods. 


To me I want to grab hold of everyday and make the most of it while I can. To stay in is to waste time which is so precious. I know that I will never be complacent about living here, I will always feel that the Lord has blessed me beyond all I could ask or imagine. 


THANK YOU FATHER. 

BLESSED

So far we have managed to miss the snow and I hope we continue to miss it.  Tonight as it was getting dark we went down to the beach and the waves were breaking over the railings. The kids loved running from the sea, they always think it is special going to the beach at night.

We have seen so many rainbows since we arrived.  Sometimes they are over the hills in front of the house but also we see a lot out at sea.  They are so clear and sometimes even double ones.

Sunday we took the cliff walk from Paignton Harbour to Goodrington, it was sunny and much warmer than it had been.  The views were spectacular and I had forgotten my camera. There were a few places open for coffee.

I still cannot believe that everyday I can see the sea, but also I love the fact that in a few minutes we can be in countryside.

Another thing I love is seeing the stars.  There is so little light pollution that we get a beautiful view of the stars.

I even see Moses some days.  We have an elderly man with long white hair and beard and he wears a long white robe and carries a staff. All the cars bib their horns at him and he waves.  Apparently everyone calls him Moses.

My only regret..... that I did not move to the sea years ago.